About

I’ve had some of the best days of my life whilst being completely wasted. I’ve done things some will only dream of. But I’ve also had some of the absolute worst days as well, living a secret nightmare for years, & when the bad times start massively outweighing the good it’s time to call it a day.

 

I started using drugs recreationally in my early teens. Unfortunately as I have an addictive personality, this ended up spiraling out of control over the years, & after several surgical procedures I also became hooked on pain killers & anxiety medication, which eventually took over my life. Many people including good friends & family, didn’t realize I even had a problem. How the hell were they meant to know when I couldn’t even admit it to myself?!

 

Everybody thought I just liked to party…a fucking lot! Behind closed doors though I secretly ‘partied’ alone daily for many years, even spending two summers in Ibiza making my out of control lifestyle more socially acceptable & effortless to hide. It was easy to float around there completely off my face without anyone batting an eyelid. Everyone used to drink tequila & do lines of cocaine for breakfast, right?! I was a hot mess…

 

I used to think drug addicts were jobless, lonely, shooting up & living in squaller. That was until I realized I’d become one myself & I was none of those things! I’d had my own business for ten years, a loving family, good friends & a beautiful home. I’d been popping prescription pills & self medicating with other substances on a daily basis for so long it had just become second nature. Unbeknown to me I was what is known as a functioning addict…

 

Addiction had made me too selfish to see the personal havoc I’d created. I was slowly killing myself with my self destructive behavior & sadly I was too strung out to do anything about it. After hitting rock bottom & having some sort of spiritual awakening in Ibiza, I realized I was ill & decided to seek professional help. At first I was embarrassed to admit I had a problem & I didn’t want to be judged. Being in Ibiza of all places with temptation literally knocking on my door every day was hard but I was determined to stay. I knew if I could clean my life up there I could do anything. Withdrawal from years of daily Valium abuse was horrendous. I’ve never experienced anything like it in my life! But the worst thing was not knowing who I was anymore. I’d been using drugs for so long I’d become a lost soul…

 

I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past 17 months, not knowing whether I was coming or going for half the time. I’ve moved from Ibiza, to Dubai, back home, & finally to Thailand to find my happy place & feel at peace. Thankfully in doing so I’ve managed to completely rebuild my life. This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but by far the most rewarding. I love my new way of living & I’m proud of the person I’ve become so far. I’m stronger than I ever imagined possible. Everything has changed & yet I’m more me than I’ve ever been. If you know me based on who I was a year ago, even three months ago, you don’t know me at all…I don’t even fully know myself yet!

 

I’m so fortunate to have an amazing support network of family & friends, & I’m truly grateful & blessed to have been given a second chance to live a life I love, & become the person I was meant to be all along. I have no regrets. Everything I’ve ever done has brought me to the here & now, & I’m exactly where I need & want to be. I can honestly say I’ve never felt better. Taking care of myself mentally, physically, & spiritually is my new addiction. I no longer need drugs to feel good. I’ve swapped cocaine for coconuts giving me a natural high & it feels amazing! Life is fucking beautiful…