Categories Addiction, Mind, Spirit

Be strong enough to stand the fuck alone!

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Be strong enough to stand the fuck alone!

Being in recovery is by far my most rewarding achievement to date, but at the same time it’s also the hardest. It’s not sunshine & rainbows every fucking day (just most of them)! I still have urges to use on a regular basis & triggers that try to get the old me to rear her ugly hot mess of a head. And although I LOVE my new sober life & know the chaotic carnage, & absolute devastation this would cause me, I’m still tempted at times. Crazy right?! Yes I fucking am, but all the best people are…

Since coming home from Dubai I’ve been struggling a bit & feeling as flat as a witches tit! Being out of my routine & time zone, disrupted sleeping pattern, not exercising or meditating, bumping into a couple of old flames & seeing my party friends has sent me into some sort of mildly manic melt down! Thus resulting in me wanting to hideout alone, glamorizing my old lifestyle, craving substances, feeling irritable, exhausted, not knowing whether I’m batting or fucking bowling, having the concentration span of a goldfish, & eating my feelings whilst binge watching Netflix!

Fortunately this time I recognized where this was going & after a few days of allowing myself to sit with these feelings (& a shit ton of snacks!) I reached out to friends for help. Although I’ve got a fat arse & square eyes after a week of being a hermit in my woman cave feeling sorry for myself, at least I’m not changing my clean date…

Routine for me is clearly key. By not sticking to this I felt like I was loosing control & started slipping into some bad habits & thought patterns. Make sure you know the signs & grab them by the balls before it’s too late! If you’re struggling don’t be embarrassed or ashamed to reach out for help. Be mindful of how far you’ve come, how fucking beautiful your clean & sober life is, & if all else fails, remember how many motherfuckers you’ve got to prove wrong…

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