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Old me: “Santa I’ve been bad…& it was worth it you fat judgmental bastard!”

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Old me: “Santa I’ve been bad…& it was worth it you fat judgmental bastard!”

Throwback to when I was permanently on the naughty list but I didn’t give a flying fuck. Christmas was always my favorite time of year. Mostly because it was socially acceptable to drink alcohol for breakfast & stay in your pajamas all day. To me, getting into the festive spirit used to mean drowning myself in a bottle of vodka till I was nothing less than ho ho hammered…

Back home in England everybody loves a white Christmas. Whatever the weather it was always white for me with my best friend Charlie around. Making snowmen? Fuck that. Any snow getting shoveled was going straight up my nostrils. My immune system was always severely shot, so I was permanently poorly & always had the snivels. Rudolph the red nosed reindeer had nothing on me! “Winter cold babe?” More like year long Colombian flu. Kleenex sales have certainly gone down since I got clean…

The only thing that got lit this year was the fairy lights on my tree. I thought I’d be dying to get on it over the festive season but I literally couldn’t have thought of anything worse! Gone are the days where I’m strung like a bauble, more mullered than a mug of German Gl├╝hwein & got my tinsel in too much of a tangle to eat my diner. Here’s to many more very merry clean & sober not hungover Christmas. Ho fucking ho…

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